April 1, 2009
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Three Extensions Of A Woman’s Heart
Since the female gender is challenged in the area of outer appearances, a question remains. How do women overcome a world that defines them with physical beauty?
The first thing to understand is that possibility outweighs the impossible. While life includes a great many obstacles, we mustn’t deter away from the existence of solutions, whether it’s to find answers or acceptance. Our bodies might not change for the better, but minds are plastic. Removing ourselves from the boundaries of superficiality is always possible.
Sometimes it’s hard when you’re feeling down. Looking to the mirror, you might see only imperfections. You might feel there are too many laugh lines, or your chest is a little flat. However, beauty is in the mind of the beholder. It’s a choice.
Imperfections are what make us perfect. How can we be individuals without them? If we restrict our standards to expectations from external sources, the things that make us unique are lost.
To love a woman isn’t to change her. It’s to accept her as we redefine perfection within all of which she feels are flawed.
But there’s another question often overlooked when it’s so easy to associate internal with external. How does one overcome physical beauty to find the heart?
This brings us back to the fact that possibility outweighs the impossible. When we take the time to discover and rediscover everything she is, we’ll inevitably find the three extensions of a woman’s heart; her eyes, smile, and touch. If even such minute aspects of human physicality are the paths that lead to more, who’s to say anything is impossible?
As you continue to look at your reflection, make the effort to look into your eyes and broken smile, the way you’re softly touching those silly tears. Find your heart and acknowledge the part that makes you beautiful, for you alone are the only reason to need.
Reader, what are the imperfections that define your perfection? How did you overcome physical beauty to find your heart?
Comments (51)
Wonderful post.. but those are some questions I'll definetely have to think about before I answer.
well.. if you always look at a person's imperfections and flaws, you're going to miss their good qualities.
Some would say my gap is an imperfection, but it is part of what makes me, me. Great post!
@Miss_Righteous - Same here. I need to think this one through.
I can be nosey...
I don't like my teeth
I hum too often..
I am OCD when it comes to cleaning...
I think those define some of my flaws and imperfections. Wouldn't you say?
Imperfections are what make us perfect. Exactly how I feel. Great post.
Super Post. Sometime a person just needs to hear it from someone else. My imperfections are my favorite traits, i have scars all over my hands from working and they remind me everyday of the hard times I went through. I cherish all of the scars because they helped mold me.
I am still trying to get over my imperfections.
It really does suck when you live in a city where fashion is everywhere. From school to work to sitting on the train.
Physically? I hate my nose, my stomach and my knees.
Personality-wise? I tend to butt in when people are talking because I get excited about something they say.
I'm not sure that I've found my heart, not entirely.
Wonderful post.
I'm rather neurotic when it comes down to it. I guess that can be a perfection? Oh the irony that I'm a perfectionist.
I have absolutely ugly hands. My brother once told me that my hands were so ugly that no man would ever marry me because my hands were so unattractive. I've broken 7/10 fingers, 8/10? I forget. They're scarred, broken, large for a girl, with nails that break easily - despite insisting that I wear them at a moderately longer length.
Thanks for your message, btw. It made me smile.
But the thing is? The thing is that I love holding hands and find other peoples' hands fascinating.
*sigh*
And if you could spam the poem that's up - I'd be deeply indebted.
Imperfections make us interesting and unique. They help define and make us who we are.
Another good post, Ricky. (=
I don't like my hair and (currently) my eyes because of the lack of sleep =(
I still have overcome it, but I try to think as positive as I can... most of the time it doesn't go as planned, but at least I try.
the second you show that you are insecure about how you look, you lose it. default.
ricky, i'm sorry, but sometime my attention span is too short lived that i just skip down to the question and pretend to know what i'm talking about... ): i'm sorry, i'm feeling too honest today.
There are many things I don't prefer about myself but imperfections are beauty.
Another great post :]
The way to love a women is to love her imperfections...
I have this nerdy way of getting super excited about history. Like seriously, jumping-up-and-down excited. When I go off on a tangent about my professor's lecture or even a little fact I found online, my boy always smiles and laugh and holds me.
You have to appreciate even the silly things about a woman to love her.
If you do, god, will she love you in return.
GREAT POST.
M
I have a lot of scars - my own doing. A lot of them are really ugly and protruding... but I think they make me even more beautiful, because they're a reminder that I didn't have a great past but DO have a great future ahead of me.
Physically, I don't give a crud as long as I'm clean/presentable. :]
As for everything else... Well, I have a lot of other problems. *ahem* But I'm not me without them, so whatever.
For me, there is no such thing as perfection. What I really need now is a comrade.
Wonderful post, and a great reminder of what is really important - our hearts. I will have to come back and read this again, and think more about the questions.
how come you always have such a question that makes my brain jammed and stucked....
My imperfections: too many to list them all, but we can start off with the deep, dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep. Then there's the scarring I've gotten from having my three babies. Oh! And my pale skin/dark hair combo makes me look like a vampire (I've actually had people tell me this - I prefer 'zombie' of course, but whatever). I'm a b-cup and want to be a dd-cup because that's what my husband likes, but I'm not as enthusiastic about the idea of surgery as I used to be so the boobs are staying the way they are. To be honest, most days I feel like I'm the ugliest woman alive. I never had to overcome any physical beauty to find my heart because I never really had any to overcome. When I was much younger I was kind of cute, but never beautiful.
Whatever I am has had to come from within. I always hope it's enough.
How's that for honesty? All that introspection and I haven't even had my coffee yet. Damn, I'm good.
Firstly, outer beauty is shallow and overrated. If beauty is 'in' the eye of the beholder, you must understand that beauty is a sense of being comfortable with oneself and not comparing yourself with other's outer shell. ie When you sketch a portrait, if you can sketch someone in a beautful way that means you have inner beauty to admire other's beauty.
I'm ugly as hell but who's counting. I figured you'd go for a totally different extension, but that's cool.
~TW
Super post.
I hate my nose. So just smile and laugh a lot so that people don't see the nose.
This is a beautiful post, Ricky! "Imperfections are what make us perfect." Very, very, very true.
My $0.02, and I hope I don't over-step your bounds.
If man is made in God's image, then God's image is a fluid concept. That means that his beauty isn't defined by one characteristic, but by EVERY characteristic that each of his children holds. God's beauty is in all of us both externally and internally. It is my opinion that God defines what beauty is and that He sees all of his children as beautiful inspite of there flaws. That being said, I imagine that what he sees on the outside aren't imperfections at all. Externally, we are all beautiful. As far as our internal flaws go? Well, those are what make us unique and human. They should be embraced not shunned.
I'm finding that one of the reasons that I enjoy xanga (i'm relatively new here btw) is because it somewhat removes appearance from relationships that form here. It's all about the heart and sharing ideas.
Your post has just motivated me to share a story in a post of my own about my friend and her effort to meet someone she will fall in love with. Thanks!
scars, stretchmarks,dry skin, my oscar eyebrows, my crooked yellowish-teeth, a little bit of a gut that wont go away with all the dieting in the world with excersize, I think I have a small moustache (Im a girl)... there are a lot of things
wow! this is an amazing post! I would have to say my imperfections would be my never tame hair, my too little chest and I can be a little loud, but I am shy around strangers. I've learned to accept my imperfections, because it makes me...me...haha....
beautiful post.
I am securely insecure. I am out going, but as long as there are no feelings and no attachment. When I start to feel, I get scared and back off.
I haven't resolved that yet.
Screw perfection . . . .there's way to much in life that's more important than wondering if every hair is in place or if my cheekbones are cheekboney enough. To be honest, though, I tend to be attracted to friends who have very big hearts and know how to keep it real and they are to me. We tsk tsk at the worriers - knowing eventually, age will get them despite their (and their surgeon's) best efforts - but we always get to smile.
I love this post. I've always loved people's 'inperfections' but to me everything just seems so beautiful. If I've ever met an ugly person, it was probably a personality thing, believe me. Or perhaps even a person trying WAY too hard to be physically pefect. Am I the only one that finds that a turn off?
Some of mine own 'imperfections' are my favourite thing about me...but according to social 'norms' I shouldn't love them, haha.
I have freckles, I'm deathly white, I have gigantic girl feet, I'm clumsy, I tend to interject singing into normal conversation, I'm laugh WAY too much, I'm tremedously and geekishly excited about many mundane things like recieving text messages. Haha, I could go on...but I really do pride myself in being a total band camping dweeb.
God doesn't make mistakes! Each person is embedded with His fingerprints, I'm not perfect and I'm the first one to admit that!!!!! I just love myself the way God made me, curves in all!
wow. like this... I have a list too long to say.. more then anything my biggest imperfections are of character. It's a little harder to see past that...
You really have a way with words.
I think my slightly uncontrollable red hair is an imperfection to me, though I've been told it's my best feature. And I like the color because it's so rare. So it's a love-hate relationship.
I'm sure this post made a lot of women happier about themselves .
!
This is really good
Wow, I could totally marry you! That was eloquent!
I really had to understand that beauty was so much more than how I looked. God showed me the me that was loved in spite of who was trying to be with me. It's kind of tough to get past that, but I think it's rewarding and has shown me how to rest and not be so anxious about my physical appearance.
I LOVED this.
I hate everything about me, being a very picky female, but somehow I start liking myself once my man says something, and that's the secret to a gals' beauty.
A beautiful post, but you think too much....
@HiROBii - That's what you have to look for perfection in their imperfections. It's a challenge you must undergo in order to find beauty.
@Miss_Righteous - And what makes them beautiful?
@BMarie_354 - Exactly. It's just like stretch marks for example. They are a reminder that you have gone through pain and even more agony just to breathe new life into this world, a sacrifice of the most beautiful form in the universe. Your scars define your beauty.
@Agent_Spanky - It doesn't matter what the world thinks. What matters most is what Ricky thinks and Ricky thinks you're incredibly gorgeous so spank you very much for being so beautiful!
@MySecretLoveAffair - Sometimes you just have to take a look at what's in front of you to realize that all of the dreams you have been searching for may have already come true. Your heart is exactly where you are. (:
@Levanna - Neurotic girls are awesome, haha. But I don't think your hands could be that ugly! That is ridiculous. Of course, no one can ever compete with mine, lol... your brother is just being a typical brother! And I agree, holding hands is the best.
@spanz - Sleepy girls with messy hair are the best. They make me want to take care of them!
@beetunes - You know, you don't have to read it if you don't want to...
@NoPenniesHere - My last question was actually for you. (:
@sonnigenmai - You can never take out ridiculous from the equation. It's always the silly things that define romance. Silly girls are hot!
@SerenaDante - That is a delightful sentiment... you understand exactly what I'm trying to say! I've always thought it was romantic to find beauty in scars. I have a huge one running down my back from a spinal fusion surgery I had when I was a teenager.
@IfonEarth - Every part of you is what defines you as a person and that is what makes you beautiful in every way.
@Murazrai - You definitely aren’t a romantic, lol!
@musicmom60 - I’m still waiting! (:
@maniacsicko - “Stucked?” Hilarious!
@ZombieMom_Speaks - Dark hair and pale skin is exquisite and angelic. It's one of the most beautiful combinations ever... vampires and zombies need love too!
You're being way too hard on yourself and what you have to understand is that how we feel sometimes does not necessarily reflect upon the truth. You might not see where your beauty lies, but it exists whether you like it or not. And it's not that I think or I know it. You simply are beautiful.
@Laryssa - I'm sure you're Eskimo kissable!
@mimic1983 - Your beliefs are just as significant as mine and I agree with you in every way. God made all of us in His image after all so who's to say anyone is ugly?
@ItsWhatEyeKnow - Interesting. I inspired you now, did I? It's quite flattering, truly. And I agree with you because what matters most is how we express our hearts with the freedom of words.
@wolvenchic - So tell me how these imperfections make you the perfect you. Why do you appreciate them?
@BrunetteAngel1985 - Acceptance is always the key to finding what is genuine. I'm glad you accept yourself and I hope you never change. (:
@Olyachka - You will find a way sooner or later. It just takes a great many reflections.
@jacksoncroons - And when it comes to friends, quality is always better than quantity!
@Random_Goldfish - You’re not the only one who thinks this. The superficial and the shallow are the most boring people on the face of the Earth, haha. Don't ever change. You are absolutely adorable!
@Xx_IWannaWWIIRomance_xX - Real woman have curves after all.
@Kontzicles - Just so you know, the longer the list, the more extravagantly beautiful you are...
@NymphaeHecati - Your slightly uncontrollable red hair? Are you a Transformer, lol...? Female Transformers are rare, thus incredibly hot!!! You really are a gem, babe! I love your rubies! =P
@gojitmal - It's all a part of my evil plan, bwahaha!
@ccarothers - Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. It really is a journey of learning and finding acceptance...
@QweenCat - Your validation as a beautiful woman does not lie in the hands of a man. It is yours and yours alone, even if you are picky. (:
@momentsdawn - Well it took you long enough to realize that I think too much, lol!
@DearRicky - Um... I guess.. that they make me? That they are a part of who I am. Except for the teeth! I don't know.
Everyone has flaws though. You either live the rest of your life sulking over it or see the beauty to it and learn to accept it because they're what makes up your own unique and indivisual self, right?
@DearRicky - If you truly believe that, you will definately make a girl very happy
M
@DearRicky - Yet, it's nice having someone boost your ego =)
@DearRicky - Awww Ricky. You know how to make me smile. (:
@DearRicky - Yes! I am a female Transformer! But you can't tell anyone, okay? It's a secret!
@DearRicky - Romance is just some fantasy. I am indeed not a romantic person.
@DearRicky - i know... ): i like to though, i like to try to comment on every one i look at!
and i just read the rest of it. so i take it back =P
I always wanted to look like the WASP-y white girls with their ski-jump noses. Its like I got the white girl coloring, but not the delicate features.
I got over it (not only because it seems like there are a lot of Chinese guys with Jew girl fetishes..WIN) because I realized that I really didnt want to look like everyone else after all.
I grew up to be tiny, tall but bird boned. And it was like a magic trick for me, barely big enough to fit in a size O. And that seemed like all I was, a walking clothes hanger and was supposed to take in stride all the times other women told me "Oh! I HATE you! You're sooo skinny!"
And now.. law school.. and it seems like a woman's beauty will count against her here. If you're pretty and successful as a lawyer, its because you were screwing someone. If you're not so pretty, its because you were smart.
WTF? There is no winning.
wow, that post was really touching. it reminded me of my ex-boyfriend, who i'm still really close with, and if he was in ther country we'd still be together..
i guess i'm such a perfectionist that i actually do harm to myself thorugh trying to perfect things that are things that make me, me.
you've really made me think about what i'm doing to myself, thank you
@sahel578 - There really is no winning sometimes, unfortunately, but that is how sexism is. I always despised the fact that our society can be so chauvinistic. It's much better than before of course, but still it never seems to be enough.
And perhaps I do have a subconscious fetish for Jewish women and am biased, but Jewish women are absolutely stunning and I don't understand how you would dislike your physical features. You do have delicate features, probably different from Caucasians, but still delicate. You're beautiful just the way you are and I'm glad you have found acceptance in yourself. You are God's chosen people after all and I'm sure He has excellent taste, like the Chinese.
@trapped__em - A lot of women have this problem, unfortunately. I hope you find acceptance in your beauty and understand that sometimes, how we feel does not necessarily reflect upon the truth. I hope you smile more often on that notion. (:
"Imperfections are what make us perfect."
It's a nice and romantic thought, but I'd disagree. Imperfections are what show us how Great and Holy and Incorruptible LOVE really is, and this Love is truly only found in God - a Constant and Generous Source/Friend/Father/Lover that is outside of us and yet is trying to get in us. It goes far beyond aesthetic, sensual, or physical experience.
If this is not the case, if human love is merely chemicals and other biologically "evolved" devices for the survival of our species, then our admiration and (even) worship of "love" is actually highly overrated and underwhelming.
I want a Love that goes beyond this world because surely, eternity is written in the hearts of all people... and so too is the need for a Love that not only lasts this lifetime, but goes beyond the human relationships which it passes through. I need Love and Life that last forever - the Kinds that will someday right all the world's wrongs, or at least Heal and Restore all that is broken that I (unfortunately and certainly) cannot.
"Possibility will never fail to outweigh the impossible."
This is only true if the capability of one is greater than what is impossible. Imagination is a powerful thing, so is hope, so is "Faith," but without Something/One Outside of our world's entropy and brokeness, Life - as a whole - and Love which outlast our lives here are completely impossible.
"To love a woman is not to change her. It’s to accept her as you
redefine your definition of perfection within all of which she feels
are imperfect."
Love DOES change someone, actually, but it's the Love that does it, not my will or opinions. To Love someone beyond our ideas and judgments about that person is indeed a "noble" thing, but redefining our idea of Perfection does not prove our Love, but rather, proves how selfish, fallible, and compromising we are as people with deep desires (many of which are ultimately self-seeking).
Furthermore, to Love someone regardless of flaws, imperfections, and mistakes is not to Love them less at all, but rather, it proves the Severity, Sobriety, and Sacredness of such Love. It is the same with the story of Christ... if God truly did Love humanity so much to sacrifice Himself for it (and limit Himself as human even for a time), then that is the ultimate Love that we can discover. In fact, I have yet to see another story where Love has been more clearly demonstrated, even amidst all my questioning as to "how" and "why" we are the problematic way that we are.
There is no Truth but God's Truth, and there is NO True Love apart from He Who is Love Himself.
May sound religious or overly spiritual, but that's the God-honest truth. There's nothing truly Good about us unless it comes from Something Beyond us. All our motivations and endeavors are ultimately self-seeking, or at best, animalian, for our own species' survival.
"Reader, what are the imperfections that define your perfection?"
My imperfections are only capable of revealing how truly I am Loved and Forgiven... they cannot possibly define my perfection, but rather, the Perfection of the One Who Loves me (and anyone else who Loves me can truly only do so within/because of/by/for that same Love).
"How did you overcome your physical beauty to find your heart?"
I haven't. It's impossible other than a temporary effect. We are not satisfied here, and there are reasons which go far beyond emotions and physiques.
What I have found is that my worth should not come by anything temporary here, as all that is temporary is bound to fail, but rather, my worth should come from something Outside of this world... a Love that came INTO the world (Jesus/God), which is not something I could attain by any mental trick, but rather something that had to override my logic and reasoning as a whole. Without that sort of Love, I have nothing lasting and no ultimate hope of Life.
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