A year ago today, I awoke in the early morning to a constant stream of clicks.  Upon realizing it was the sound of my nurse’s laptop, I called and asked him to stop.  He insisted it was impossible for me to hear, excusing that he was trying to get rid of a virus by continually tapping the keyboard.  He made one last argument at which I ended by telling him I heard it.  He agreed to stop.

This was 03:30.

Trying to return to sleep, I heard him again.  I assumed he was finishing up and let it slide, but after a while, I realized he was testing me.  I asked if he was typing and told him I couldn’t sleep.  He responded by saying it was “not acceptable”.

I said it was obvious that I wasn’t making it up, or else I wouldn’t have heard in the first place, to which he had no response.  I then apologized, saying I didn’t want to offend him, but that his typing disturbed my sleep.  He insisted otherwise.

He then had the audacity to suggest that he type for another ten minutes so I could count and prove I wasn’t lying.  I refused.  I told him it was ridiculous.

03:50, estimated.

By the time he was out of my room, I was fully awake and could still hear him.  I wasn’t going to argue in the middle of the night so I tried my best to sleep.  He continued for another half hour before returning for my routine.  After finishing, I asked if he’d stop typing next time as I didn’t want to ask again.

He immediately made an excuse that it was probably his bag of chips, but when I said it wasn’t, he threatened to leave without returning.  I tried reasoning with him, but it instead prompted him to bring his laptop as he typed away.  I told him I could hear it, with his response being that he’d give the agency a call to find a different nurse.  He said he couldn’t work under “restrictions”, referencing that we previously requested him not to flush the toilet in fear of waking the family.

He finished his shift without issue, but after a two-week vacation, he called the agency and had the nerve to ask the coordinator if he was “allowed” to bring his laptop.  Not only did he imply that I was trying to restrict his freedom, he also tried to blame me when it clearly had nothing to do with his computer.

When he wanted the Internet, I gave him access to my wireless network.  When he needed technical support, I was there to help.  The supervisor even asked if his laptop was a disturbance and I defended him.  I had been more than accommodating.

I shouldn’t be surprised.

Our first major incident happened some years ago.  He pressed on my trach site too hard at a time when it was extremely sensitive after an application of silver nitrate.  I yelled in agony and he threatened to leave, assuming it was directed at him.  He accused me of giving him a dirty look.  It hurt so much that I cried.  We didn’t talk for a couple months, but eventually got over it.  Because of my fear that he’d have another temper tantrum, I learned to have less of a reaction towards pain to keep quiet and not aggravate him.

There was a time when my neck ties were uneven.  When I mentioned it and suggested he loosen both sides, he argued for more than an hour, compromising everyone’s sleep.

Sometimes when he loosened the strings on said ties with forceps, he’d “joke” about hurting me.  He had a serious demeanour during those times and the harassment made me uncomfortable and afraid.

A couple times, he put an extra CC of water into my trach tube cuff.  When I realized why it was hurting so much, he refused to believe it, claiming I didn’t know what I was talking about.

In a few incidents, I’d tell him there was something dripping down my skin.  He discredited me by saying it was a “fake feeling”, like the time when a drop of water was rolling down my neck while brushing my teeth.

When he uncovered me in the middle of the night, he’d unravel my blanket all the way, leaving me freezing cold in the wintertime.  I asked him not to on a few occasions, but he refused.

During the time when I had problems with my trach site, he continually pestered me about surgery, despite my surgeon’s opinion regarding its futility.  He continued pestering for more than half a dozen times, but became angry at me for not listening to his suggestions.

More recently, he was routinely shaking off excess water from my tubing, changing it.  Unfortunately, one of the caps from the exhalation valve fell off and I was unable to breathe.  I was already in distress after having it off for more than thirty seconds.  I couldn’t tell him that he needed to fix the valve.  When he understood I couldn’t breathe and I asked for emergency bagging, he declined, switching me to the wheelchair ventilator instead.

The ambu-bag is the fastest way to breathe again, while if the other ventilator wasn’t working, I would’ve been in real trouble.  It was agonizing.  My oxygen levels were desaturating.  All I asked was that I get the bag for a couple minutes so I could recover from suffocation and panic.  He then could’ve switched me over to whichever ventilator he wanted.  He argued that it was an inconvenience as it denied the use of his hands.

These are only some examples of what I had to deal with.  It’s hard enough to find nurses for night shifts, and for the sake of my parents, I tolerated him for a long time.  His unpredictable and irrational behaviour rendered him untrustworthy and dangerous.  He left me with no option.

It’s disturbing how cruel and inconsiderate people are.  How can anyone, particularly a nurse, treat another with no compassion and without loyalty or respect after five years?

I don’t consider myself disadvantaged or a victim because at least I can speak for myself, but to say I’m not vulnerable would be a lie.  It’s infuriating how there are people who’d take advantage of someone like me, even sadder how some children suffer at the hands of these individuals.

So cheers, motherfucker.  Have a nice life.  Good riddance, bitch!

The following details are from a translation of a Finnish newspaper (Ammennusatia) article:


A geological group who drilled a hole about 14.4 kilometres deep in the crust of the Earth are saying that they heard human screams.  Screams have been heard from the condemned souls from earth’s deepest hole.  Terrified scientists are afraid they have let loose the evil powers of hell up to the Earth’s surface.

“The information we are gathering is so surprising, that we are sincerely afraid of what we might find down there,” stated Dr Azzacov, the manager of the project in remote Siberia.

The second surprise was the high temperature they discovered in the earth’s center.  “The calculations indicate the given temperature was about 1,100 degrees Celsius, or over 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit,” Azzacov pointed out.  “This is far more than we expected.  It seems almost like an inferno of fire is brutally going on in the center of the earth.”

“The last discovery was nevertheless the most shocking to our ears, so much so that the scientists are afraid to continue the project.  We tried to listen to the Earth’s movements at certain intervals with supersensitive microphones, which were let down through the hole.  What we heard turned those logically thinking scientists into trembling ruins.  It was sometimes a weak, but high pitched sound which we thought to be coming from our own equipment,” explained Dr Azzacov.

“But after some adjustments we comprehended that indeed the sound came from the Earth’s interior.  We could hardly believe our own ears.  We heard a human voice, screaming in pain.  Even though one voice was discernible, we could hear thousands, perhaps millions, in the background, of suffering souls screaming.  After this ghastly discovery, about half of the scientists quit because of fear.  Hopefully, that which is down there will stay there,” Dr Azzacov added.

Listen to the recorded voices from hell below.