December 15, 2009
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My Doctor Is A Nazi
It’s been quite some time since I’ve gone for a routine check-up at the healthcare centre. I usually stay for a few days, but I despise hospital food. Though, it’s merely the beginning. My horrors consist of three individuals:
1. A loud and obnoxious nasally voice that reeks of Norm McDonald. Besides bringing food and taking temperatures, I don’t know what the hell he does except traumatize my ears.2. A nurse with an attitude problem who goes “mmmm-hmmm” at every chance. My parents went to a local Chinese restaurant and bought her a little something as a nice gesture. The next thing we knew, she was demanding free food!
3. Dr. Avocado. I swear she’s a Nazi.
Let’s begin with Norm. While uppity nurse with the attitude was highly irritating, having someone barge in your room to complain about his ex-wife losing his remote control is insane.
As he went on about how she moved away with her girlfriend, I understood why she was a lesbian. I was already losing patience as he continued running his mouth like a parrot high on caffeine. He went on to inform me that someone from the loony bin called him a “goofy little faggot”. Norm stressed the offensive nature of calling a man “goofy”, that it was the equivalent to “slut” for women.
Er… what?
WHAT?!Dr. Avocado is an entirely different breed. When she’s pissed, you’re in deep shit! I remember an incident when we arrived late. In her quick manner of speaking, she made a snide remark to dad regarding punctuality. He mistakenly thought she was apologizing for her own lateness. You should have seen the vein on her forehead as he reassured her. She almost had a stroke.
Another chilling moment happened in the computer room when I was on a Mac. I spent minute after minute dissecting the anatomy of a foreign operating system. As I almost succeeded in changing the wallpaper of a scantily clad bikini model, enter Hitler.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” as she closed in on me.
“Ricky, what is that you are looking?”
SHE THOUGHT I WAS LOOKING AT PORN!!!
I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO MAXIMIZE A PROGRAM TO COVER UP THE BACKGROUND, as I usually do. I’m so afraid of her that every time she enters the premises, it feels as if I’m plummeting down an elevator shaft at a hundred miles an hour with my balls on the verge of disintegration.
At least in her presence, Norm is just as scared. He even develops the brain capacity to shut the hell up for once! Who knows what might happen when I return…
“Heil, mein führer… Avocado?”
Reader, is your doctor scary or not? What makes you dread hospitals? Do you think “slut” is comparable to “goofy”?
Comments (31)
Oh dear, it sounds like a lovely place, not. Just what you want from the caring proffession. Just had a bad experience with my dentist, she's a Russian I think would be more suited to wrestling bears
She sounds crazy. Her name is seriously Avocado?
My doctor is a sweet lady whose known me since I was eight, but I still hate going to the doctor.
I hate going to the doctor. I feel like a criminal, confessing all of my symptoms and stuff. Though my doctor is nice.
Norm is simply goofy.
Martha
My doctor is nice. He gives me vicodin. <3
my doctor is nicer to my mom and I than to my aunt and cousin... since my mom does have the looks. He's always keeping up to date with her life, more so her love life. once my cousin was sicker than I was, he said she'd heal while he actually prescribed me with medicine. Funny how far looks can go
despite all that, he's nice and not overly creepy. I'm protective of my mom but we laugh about it after every check up. But the smell of hospital/vaccine, my doctor walking in as I'm sitting, waiting, dreading will always instill fear in me!
i hate going to the doctors...the last time I went was for my jaw...it cracks...making it uber annoying...the doctor puts his hands on ths side of my face and tells me to open my mouth...of course it cracks...and what does he do? the icky gross dance and dances on his toes and shakes his hands.
thank you doctor.
if it is, that means Spongebob is a slut
and we go to a medical group with like 8 different doctors, so I never know which one I'm going to get. One of them is kind of annoying, but the rest are cool.
and what's your beef with Norm McDonald? I love him!
Goofy is certainly not equivalent to "slut."
My doctor seems all right. He's pretty ordinary and boring actually.
i'm confused... he wasn't offended by faggot but he thought goofy was the same as slut? goofy is nothing near slut... he's .. goofy
i think my doctor wants me to get the hell out of his office. i dont know why. maybe just to collect the money and get more people in...
maybe i should switch doctors? haha
why dr. avocado? is her head shaped like one? i picture her looking like a muppet!
My doctor is.......interesting
Hospitals are scary because any time I'm in one it means that I am either critically ill or injured. End of story.
My doctor is my husband. ~verynice ;)
Lol, goofy does not equal slut. -_- Fail!
I haven't been to the doctor's in years. So I can't remember!
My doctor is an asian bitch. -__- .
I think it's reasonable to dissatisfied with your doctor and switch if you need to.
But don't make us look bad... then again, I guess people like to read about drama.
Eh. Some of my docs are okay, some are not. I've had good and bad. Like my therapist says, in med school there's this mandatory class where they learn essential things like how to be an asshole. (I kid, I have a really good friend in med school) You just gotta remember, you're paying them, so if you don't like the way they're treating you (and believe me, they think they are gods) fire their asses. My last psychiatrist called me a six year old and was making bets that I'd have a psychotic break down. Well I didn't, actually, I developed epilepsy, you dipshit, so suck my non-existent cock. How does it feel to be fired by a six year old, huh? (that wasn't directed at you, btw. I have a lot of pent up anger at him) Really, doctors have degrees and are smart, but they are HUMAN and have faults so are therefore imperfect just like the rest of us. Don't feel like you are less than anyone else.
Dude! You're in Canada, why in the hell are you wasting your time at a hospital for a check up? Go to a GP!!!
i am unfamiliar with the concept of multi-day stays at a hospital for a checkup. do you have a preexisting health condition that makes your checkup lengthier than normal? what's this computer room thing too? what sort of hospital is this? we don't have those here in american hospitals.
Yeah, what tim00 said. Other than the female type exam, I've never gone to a doctor for a check up.
i hate hospitals. i hate the smell of them, i hate the old annoying people in them, i hate the check ups, i hate when they always say that i have to come back again and i hate SHOTS
is it safe?
Last time I went to the doctor he put on a finger cot and made me bend over... I didn't like that one little bit. Heck, he didn't even buy me flowers!
i used to have a lady doctor and she was the best! she used to talk to me like were buddies and make me feel comfortable because i hate hospitals and she was just the nicest person ever!
and now all of a sudden she stopped working there and i got a new doctor who tries to flirt with me and i don't like it lol :[
i'm currently in school to become a nurse, i think i would be a less annoying nurse to you then the ones mentioned above lol
<3
if goofy is a worse insult than slut... i wonder how norm feels about the disney character lol.
I have nice doctors but I remember the hell I went through with a few nurses when I was in the hospital for 21 days. I don't dislike hospitals though. I worked in one for a while. I wasn't nasty to patients either. As for the goofy/slut thing, I fail to see where they would mean the same thing lol.
My old doctor was really nice! He sounded just like and looked a lot like Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.
My dentist is a Nazi though! She forbade me from drinking soda, and eating candy. I told her I wasn't going to stop, and get lectures about it every time I go back. Plus, she never uses enough novacaine! And she wont let me go to the bathroom when I want to.
If someone said goofy the last thing I'd think of is slut. Maybe Dr Avocado needs to do a vocal chord procedure on him.
"Norm stressed the offensive nature of calling a man goofy, that it was the equivalent to “slut” for women.
Er… what?
WHAT?!"
Im with you, that makes no sense whatsoever!
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oh man! goofy is definitely NOT equivalent to slut. i mean, HELLO!! at times i wish someone would consider me more of a goofy kind of guy. it means jovial, loose, easy going, happy, silly, and friendly all in one. NOT a slut!
@ShimmerBodyCream - You've been watching a little too much 'House', lol...
@theblowersdaughter86 - Uh, wouldn't naming a Nazi be suicide? =P
@dlmcniel - I'll protect you, don't worry!
@davidmiya - You're her?! Oh noes, haha.
@tim00 - It's a healthcare centre for respiratory. I have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.
@lafemme_melissa - Darling, if you were my nurse, I'd pretend to faint all the time, just so you'd give me mouth-to-mouth!
<3
@xXxTigersEyexXx - That's insane, lol!
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